Reviewing all 40 Tracks of Eurovision 2022 with a One-Liner

It’s been exactly one week since the live grand final aired from Turin and the 2022 Eurovision Song Contest can be officially considered old news.

However, to dig deeper into each track, I needed a bit more time. Eventually, I came up with a mini, mini review for each of the songs performed to share my opinions on the winners and snubs of the event that only Europeans freak out about.

Make sure to listen to the full Spotify playlist at the bottom of my article and leave your opinion in the comments below.

Let’s begin.

“Stefania” – KALUSH (Ukraine)

The flute is hands-down the best part about this track. I also like the contrast between folk vocals and fast-paced rapping. Overall nice but it’s not a winner for me.

“SPACE MAN” – Sam Ryder (United Kingdom)

Don’t know if it’s an attempt to emulate Elton John’s “Rocket Man,” but besides Ryder’s vocals and some magical minor chords, there’s nothing particularly exciting about this track.

“SloMo” – Chanel (Spain)

Fire, fire and more fire! Perfect from start to finish. Loved the live performance, the energy and the vocals by Chanel.

“Hold Me Closer” – Cornelia Jakobs (Sweden)

Starting very softly and then exploding in a firework of melodies, Jakobs’s song is both full of emotions and strength.

“In corpore sano” – Konstrakta (Serbia)

I don’t know why but I love the sound of Serbian… For some reason, it gives even more strength to the vocal performance. I also like how the minimalist electropop arrangement balances it out. Will definitely check out more of Konstrakta’s discography.

“Brividi” – Mahmood and Blanco (Italy)

Overall, a very nice song that mixes typical chords of the Italian ballad tradition with a “younger” way of singing. I love the bridge leading to the final chorus as well and the synergy between the two performers.

“Trenuletul” – Advahov Brothers and Zdob și Zdub (Moldova)

Simply ridiculous. Next.

“Die Together” – Amanda Tenfjord (Greece)

Nothing special about this song. Very average.

“saudade, saudade” – MARO (Portugal)

I love the chill vibe of the track and the voice of the singer, but I wish the full song was sung in Portuguese. I think it would’ve made it even more celestial.

“Give That Wolf A Banana” – Subwoolfer (Norway)

So disappointed in Norway. Next.

“De Diepte” – S10 (The Netherlands)

I love the singer’s voice and melodies. The song is very simple but emotionally charged at the same time. It grew on me over time.

“River” – Ochman (Poland)

Love the piano arrangement and the performer’s voice. I also like how it adds electronic elements as it goes. It’s a nice balance.

“Hope” – Stefan (Estonia)

Why this “Far West” feel? It’s weird. Reminds me of Lumineers and One Republic.

“Sentimentai” – Monika LIU (Lithuania)

Love the seductive feel of the song and Monika has a beautiful voice. The sound of the Lithuanian language also helps set the mood and make the track even more mysterious.

“Not The Same” – Sheldon Riley (Australia)

Absolute bomb: Riley’s incredible voice absolutely brings the lyrics and melodies to life. It baffles me how this song received such little support. To me, it’s the real winner.

“Fade to black” – Nadir Rustamli (Azerbaijani)

Though it’s a very average song, the performer’s voice helps make the track a bit more special and definitely emotional.

“Boys Do Cry” – Marius Bear (Switzerland)

I get the reference to The Cure and the willingness to break gender norms and the stigma around men showing their emotions, but the song itself doesn’t bring anything new to the table.

“Llámame” – WRS (Romania)

It’s like “SloMo,” but without all the sexiness and energy. Overall, very forgettable.

“Miss You” – Jérémie Makiese (Belgium)

Love the production on this track and the singer’s emotion in his voice. The chorus is a bit disappointing as it tries too hard to sound like Britney Spears’s “Toxic.” Overall, still pretty good.

“SNAP” – Rosa Linn (Armenia)

Not particularly exciting. Reminds me once again of The Lumineers and One Republic.

“Jazebel” – The Rasmus (Finland)

I’m not surprised a rock band represented Finland. I like it because it’s very accessible and not “heavy” at all. Also love the singer’s vocal performance.

“Lights Off” – We Are Domi (Czech Republic)

Overall, I like it but I think it’s a bit repetitive in the chorus. It could’ve delivered more.

“Með Hækkandi Sól” – Systur (Iceland)

This song sounds exactly like what I would expect an Icelandic song to sound like. I like its chill vibe but overall nothing we haven’t heard before.

“Fulenn” – Alvan and Ahez (France)

Can someone explain why this song sounds like an exoteric ritual taking place in the middle of a battle? I would’ve never expected France to be represented by a song like this. Despite all of this, it’s pretty addictive and I love it. Especially the vocals.

“Rockstars” – Malik Harris (Germany)

I personally like the song but I admit it has nothing special to it. The chorus reminds me of countless other songs I’ve heard in the past and the rapping is literally an Eminem copycat. I think that’s why I like it: because it reminds me of music I already enjoyed.

“Guilty Pleasure” – Mia Dimšić (Croatia)

A very summertime song, I like the quick melodies and instrumentals. Especially the violin and the singer’s voice. It’s very relaxing.

“I.M” – Michael Ben David (Israel)

If the expression “yaaas queen” was a song, this would be it. Overall, pretty fun to listen to.

“That’s Rich” – Brooke (Ireland)

Just a very general pop song. And very repetitive.

“Halo” – LUM!X feat. PIA MARIA (Austria)

A high-energy track that overall doesn’t bring anything new to the table. Still pretty much fun to listen to.

“The Show” – REDDI (Denmark)

An okay-ish ballad that turns into a punk rock banger. Didn’t see that coming. Was about to say the song isn’t anything special but I’ll have to change my mind now.

“Circles” – Andrea (North Macedonia)

Didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did. Pretty predictable but overall it’s good.

“SEKRET” – Ronela Hajati (Albania)

This song is a mix of everything: a banger beat, Spanish one-liners here and there, seductive Albanian lyrics, folk-sounding battle cries. It might not be 100% original but does it make your butt move? Absolutely.

“Lock Me In” – Circus Mircus (Georgia)

What even is this? Boring.

“STRIPPER” – Achille Lauro (San Marino)

As an Italian speaker, the lyrics are so ridiculous I cannot take this song seriously. Good for a banger but nothing more.

“Disko” – LPS (Slovenia)

This is what I would call an “elevator song.” Charming but nothing more.

“Breathe” – Vladana (Montenegro)

Wow, I wasn’t expecting to like it this much. I love the singer’s voice, the melodies and the production. Breathtaking.

“I Am What I Am” – Emma Muscat (Malta)

Very generally pop. Nothing special overall.

“Eat Your Salad” – Citi Zēni (Latvia)

The first line made me choke on my strawberries. Can’t take it seriously after that.

“Ela” – Andromache (Cyprus)

Very catchy and enjoyable. Love the string arrangements.

“Intention” – Intelligent Music Project (Bulgaria)

Compared to Finland’s song, this one doesn’t hold up to the expectations.



Cover image credits: Luca Brunetti

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